Gawd I feel like a fat piece of shit. I really need to do something with myself.
I have never loved someone the way I love you I have never seen a smile like yours or laughed as hard I do. It scares me to know you love me as much as you do.
My moments of weakness, they now seem visible to those I am close with.
They know that something is wrong, but I can’t seem to put my finger on what really is the problem.
Perhaps it’s you.
Maybe it was always you…
Maybe we are meant to be… (as crazy as that sounds)
Maybe my unhappiness is pulling me down into the disrepair which I find myself in,
It is you, you which I need.
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
To keep ones heart safe is not to love at all.
I thought I was going to be okay, but I’m not. And I know you’re not either. Fuck.